


Perfect

by beadi



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Attempt at Humor, Depression, F/F, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beadi/pseuds/beadi
Summary: Bartender/Florist AU no one asked for. Inspired by Lara Fabian's song "Perfect".
Relationships: Anne Lister (1791-1840)/Ann Walker (1803-1854)
Comments: 100
Kudos: 205





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so...bear with me. This is also my first fic on this website, a tribute to my love for Anne&Ann. They are simply my favorite.

On Friday evening “Lister’s” was not yet as crowded as usual when Ann Walker came in and chose a stool at the end of the bar. She shuffled her phone out of her cross-body MK bag, looked around and sat down with a sigh. She never felt comfortable in places like this, bars were too noisy, too crowded, too…much for her anxiety. Not to mention all those half-drunk guys hitting on her. _Urgh._

“Hi. What can I get you?” A bartender came up to her while whipping a wine glass with a cloth.

“Um…a Guinness please.” Ann internally prayed they had Guinness so that she wouldn’t have to ask for a menu and choose something else.

“Coming right up.”

Sipping her first Guinness Ann kept looking at her phone and at the entrance to the bar. By the time she had finished her drink the bar got crowded and she decided to finish the stout and go home. She’s been waiting for almost an hour here.

“Do you want a refill?” A low and slightly coarse voice asked and Ann looked up startled. It was another bartender, a woman with very soft brown eyes and an air of confidence around her.

“Y-yes, please.” Someday, someday Ann will learn to say “no”, but not right now. She watched the woman retreat to get her drink and turn around as if she felt Ann watching her. Why Ann blushed as she quickly looked back down to her phone she didn’t know. She murmured a “thank you” when the drink was set in front of her without looking up, pretending to be very busy with her phone.

She didn’t know how fast she drank the second Guinness when suddenly…

“Not to be very nosey and all that, but are you okay?” The brown-eyed woman was once again standing in front of her with some concern written across her face.

“You...I’ve been better.” Ann answered after debating with herself whether she should answer at all. The woman, however, didn’t seem to mind and just raised an eyebrow as if urging Ann to elaborate. “Nothing serious, I was supposed to meet this Tinder date here tonight, my friend made me go but obviously I was stood up. Another lesson for me not to listen to my friend’s advice on dating.” Ann finally said with a shrug. “And from the texts I guess they came in, saw me and left. So…”

“Well, whoever they are, they are either blind or crazy to turn down a beautiful woman like you.” At these words Ann blushed furiously.

“Thanks, but like I said – nothing serious, just another little blow to my self-esteem.”

“Screw them. I’m getting you a consolatory Guinness on the house.”

“You don’t have to…” Ann protested, but the woman already retreated to the beer taps, returning quickly with another pint for Ann and a glass of whiskey obviously for herself.

“I haven’t seen you here before, I would have remembered.” The woman said nonchalantly.

“I…I haven’t been here, my no-show date suggested we meet here.”

“I see. So, what’s your name?” Again. Nonchalantly.

“Walker. Ann Walker.” _What are you, James Bond?_ Ann shook her head at her awkwardness. “I mean, it’s just Ann.”

“Well, just Ann, nice meeting you.” The woman extended her hand for a handshake. “I’m Anne too, with an ‘e’. Anne Lister.” The handshake turned to just handholding suddenly, Ann noticed and withdrew her hand. No point in overanalyzing this, she reminded her inner voice.

“Nice meeting you too, Anne. Wait, Lister? As in…?” She pointed to the name of the bar on the coasters.

“Busted. Yeah, I own this place.” Anne said nonchalantly.

“Wow, cool. I love the interior design here, how did you come up with all that?” Ann pointed to the flags, scarfs, bills seemingly from all over the world adorning the walls and ceiling of the bar.

“It took a while, I guess I just wanted this place to feel like home to anyone no matter where they’re from. Some of this stuff I brought from my travels and it was piling up at my apartment, until one day I decided to bring it here. And then somehow the patrons and more or less regular guests started bringing souvenirs and all that from wherever they came and…well, now you see all this and more to come certainly.”

“Unlike other bars I’ve been too this one has a soul. Not that I’ve been to many bars, but…” Ann sighed. _Way to be smooth, huh._

“Thanks, that’s what I was aiming for. Anyway, what are…”

“Anne! A little help here?” The other bartender interrupted whatever Anne was going to ask pointing to the crowd waiting for their drinks.

“Sorry, I’ll be right back.”

“No, I’m sorry, you’re working and I’m keeping you from it. I better go.” Ann made a move to stand up but was stopped by a hand on her arm.

“No, please, stay. At least for a bit, won’t you?”

“Okay.” Ann simply couldn’t resist the magnetic pull of those brown eyes and Anne retreated to help out, occasionally turning to check if Ann was still there. She was.

“So, where were we?” Anne came back. “Right, I wanted to ask what are you doing for life?”

“Oh, I’m a florist. Well, actually my sister and I own a small flower shop, I mostly work there, while she is the brain behind the business.”

“A florist, wow. I must say it suits you just right. Do you like it?”

“Yeah, I love working with flowers and helping people win over their loved ones. Elisabeth, my sister, she used to like it too and help out, but she is pregnant with a second kid now so she doesn’t have time for the shop anymore, though she tries to help as much as she can with the incomes, debit credit etc.” Ann wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I’m a creative person, I have no aptitude for maths and business. It blows my mind, and not in a good way. But I have to grasp it somehow, it’s only a matter of time before Liz stops helping at all.” Ann sighed.

“I can help you with that if you want.” Anne suggested sipping her whiskey.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I am really good with that stuff, maintaining the budget here and a PhD in economics helps. It really isn’t that hard, you just need to fill everything in a couple of times and from then you do that automatically.”

“Oh…I couldn’t possibly ask you that.” Ann felt flustered at the beautiful stranger’s offer.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.” Anne shrugged. “Tell you what, here’s my number.” She wrote it down on one of the coasters and slid it over to Ann who was speechless for some reason. “If you decide to take me up on my offer, just give me a call, invite me around. I really don’t mind helping.” Anne finalized nonchalantly. _How does she do that so easily?_

“Okay, thank you. I’ll uh…think about it.” Ann flashed a glowing smile at the bar owner and received a similar one in return. She fished out her wallet and placed a few bills in front of Anne. “I better be going now, for real. Thanks again.”

“Bye, miss Walker. Hope to hear from you soon.” Anne winked and watched a blushing Ann leave the bar.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...Ann finally calls Anne and what happens next?

It took three days for Ann to work up the courage to call Anne. She had no doubt she’d call, she was just anxious. She already made a bumbling fool of herself at the bar, so she tried to prepare a speech for the call. Ann hated calling strangers. _But she’s not a stranger, is she?_ With a final resolute sigh, she dialed Anne’s number.

“Hello?” The familiar coarse voice answered after a few rings.

“Um, hello. It’s Ann, Ann Walker, you gave me…”

“Oh Ann, yes, of course I remember. How are you?”

“I’m good. Sorry it took a while to call you.”

“No need to apologize, I’m glad you called. What’s up?”

“I was thinking I’d take you up on your offer to help, if you still want to of course.” Ann bit her lip.

“Of course, I want to. When?” Anne replied without missing a bit.

“Um. Today? If you’re free. Or some other day.”

“I’m free after 8 pm today, does that work for you?”

“Yes, perfect. I’ll see you there, thanks.”

“Where?” Ann could hear the smile in Anne’s question.

“What? Oh right, stupid me. I’ll text you the address, it’s in Brooklyn too.”

“Okay then, see you soon, miss Walker.” Anne hung up with a chuckle.

 _Miss Walker. Why does that affect me so much?_ Ann looked around her shop and tried to imagine whether Anne would like it. It was an ordinary flower shop, with family photos around and a few decorations Ann made herself. It was her safe place, she often stayed here even after the closing hour. As time was nearing 8 pm she started getting nervous. She gave herself a critical once-over in the mirror. Barely any makeup on, her blonde hair tided in a messy ponytail, a plain white shirt and dark blue skinny jeans. She wasn’t usually the type to reflect on how she looked, she knew she was pretty, but the other night at the bar she was waiting for a date, so the was wearing a fitting dress and more makeup, which made her more uncomfortable but just a little bit more confident. _What will Anne think of this plain girl I see in the mirror?_ Her musings got interrupted by a visitor in the store. It was an elderly man wanting to buy something special for his 50-th marriage anniversary. As Ann was making a bouquet for him, she couldn’t help but think that people like this made her keep her belief in love, which was so often shattered by harsh reality. The man paid thanking her and as he was leaving, he bumped into Anne as she was entering the shop.

“Anne, hi!” Ann said almost breathlessly. The woman in front of her was gorgeous. Not that she didn’t see it in the bar, but now in the last rays of setting sun she looked absolutely stunning dressed in all black, shirt and jeans and with straight hair adorning her face just right.

“Hello.” Anne said looking around. “It’s very cute in here, very…you.”

“Thank you. Did you find the address okay?”

“Yes, turns out it’s just a block away from my favorite Italian restaurant. So, show me where the business magic happens.”

They went into the small office and sat close to each other in front of the computer. As Anne started explaining how to fill everything in Ann got suddenly distracted by her perfume. Si by Giorgio Armani, she guessed, she loved the Cate Blanchett ad. _How fitting, I only want to say ‘yes’ to this woman. Focus, Ann, she’ll think you’re really stupid._

An hour later Ann finally finally got the hang of the whole process, even with the distraction of a woman explaining it all to her.

“Wow, I think I get it now. It’ll take a few more tries though, but I does not look as horrible as I thought. Thank you so much.” She said when they went in the store again.

“You’re welcome. Look, I feel like eating something. Wanna join me and go to that Italian place I mentioned?”

“Yes.” Ann replied without a second thought. “On one condition – I’m paying. As a thank you for the help.” Happy with herself she locked the store and they both headed to the restaurant.

Once inside, they chose a secluded table which was apparently Anne’s favorite spot because it offered a beautiful view of the riverside.

“So, Ann, tell me, how come you own a flower shop?” Anne asked as they ordered pasta and a bottle of white wine.

“Oh, I always loved flowers. I love that each of them can tell a story which is not that easily told by simple words. I love you, I hate you, forgive me, you’re my world – everything can be expressed by the right flower. The guy you bumped into at the shop – he was buying flowers for his wife for their 50th marriage anniversary, can you imagine that? 50 years together! Stories like this make me believe in true love, which you know, is so hard to find if not impossible. Anyway, stuff like this just makes my day. Helps me keep going.” Ann realized she was rambling and stopped abruptly. Anne pondered for a while on what she just heard.

“I…never thought about this from this point of view. It’s wonderful really.” Anne smiled warmly. “And you must certainly have a favorite flower. Which is it?”

“Rose. It’s become very underrated and cliched thanks to modern reality, but to me it’s still the most wonderful flower and beautiful in its simplicity. It’s the flower of love.”

“Hm, I see your point and I agree, it’s beautiful.” Anne said lowly staring right at Ann making her blush.

“Thanks. Everyone expects me to pick out some exotic never-heard-of flower, since I’m a florist and get overly disappointed when I choose roses.”

“I guess you’ve just met some very narrow-minded people.”

“Maybe you’re right. What about you? A bar?”

“It was a long road in the corporate world that made me realize that it’s not something I wanna do. I got a degree in economics from Berkley, became a marketing executive for a clothes line, became pretty successful in my line of work and then…I said fuck it all and realized that I love good alcohol and decided to open a bar. A few bumps along the way and now I have this place, my second home and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

They kept talking and getting to know each other until the waiter subtly hinted that the restaurant was closing. Ann paid, though Anne tried to do so, but no luck.

“Can I walk you home?” Anne asked as they were outside.

“Of course you can. It’s not too far from here.”

They walked side by side, sometimes talking, sometimes just in comfortable silence. Anne’s hand brushed Ann’s from time to time, sending jolts of warmth and anticipation along Ann’s body. She didn’t dare presume that Anne was interested in her, but the hopeful voice inside her head couldn’t help but melt in pleasurable thoughts.

“This is me.” Ann said stopping in front of a typical Brooklyn brownstone.

“I had a wonderful time tonight. Truly, you are wonderful, Ann.”

“So did I.” For a second Ann thought Anne would kiss her but she just bit her lip and eyed her pensively.

“Look, I don’t want to beat around the bush and I’ll just say it: I like you, Ann. Really like you.” Ann’s inner voice almost fainted at this. “And I don’t know if you are interested in this, in me, but I would very much like to take you out on a proper date.”

“I would love that, Anne.” She whispered, not trusting herself to speak up without sounding too eager as Anne broke into a radiant smile.

“Tomorrow? Same time I’ll pick you up here?”

“Yes.” _Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!_

“Goodnight then, Ann. See you tomorrow.” With that Anne leaned down and kissed Ann’s cheek, dangerously close to her lips. Ann could swear her heart would burst out of her chest at this simple kiss. _What if she kisses me for real next time? I’ll probably die right on the spot._

That night when Ann got to bed she couldn’t help grinning into her pillow, she was so happy for the first time in a loooooong while.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First date. How will it go? Read and see.

The next day Ann let herself sleep in as she didn’t have to work. She woke up with a smile happily replaying the non-date with Anne the previous night. Suddenly her anxiety reared its head. _How can a woman like Anne be interested in me? Surely she’ll soon see that I’m not worth her time and affection and she’s realize how dull and troubled I am. And then she’ll leave…like everyone else._

Ann sat up abruptly shooing the intrusive thoughts from her head. She looked around her cozy but small apartment, her parents’ gift before they cut her off entirely – it definitely required an overdue clean-up which Ann got down to after breakfast. She spent almost the whole day tidying up, and then called her best friend Catherine.

“Hey babygirl, how are you?” Catherine’s ever so cheerful voice brought a smile to Ann’s face.

“Good, I’m actually very good.” Ann said thinking of her date.

“Okay, spill. What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“Remember the bar owner who offered to help me with business stuff?”

“Of course I do, you kept talking about her for an entire day.”

“Well, I called her and she came over, explained the program to me and then we had dinner.”

“And…?” Catherine already knew it was not that simple as just a dinner.

“And she walked me home and asked me out. We’re having a date tonight.”

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!” Cat was so loud in her excitement that Ann had to keep her phone at a distance from her ear. “Tell me everything, right now.”

“Cat, I just did.” Ann chuckled. “That’s it, we’re going out tonight and I need your help on what to wear.”

“Oh, you came to the right person.”

An hour of a video-call with Cat and Ann was ready to go out. She had chosen her light green summer dress that accentuated her flat stomach and waist, white open toe shoes and a grey cardigan just in case.

At 8 sharp she went outside where Anne was already waiting for her.

“Wow.” Anne said looking the younger woman up and down walking up to her, making her blush. “You look absolutely divine, Ann.” There was so much sincerity in her voice that Ann believed her and smiled warmly.

“Thank you.”

“I hope you don’t have any seafood allergies, do you?”

“No, I don’t, what do you have in mind?”

“You’ll see”. With that Anne held out her hand to Ann to take which she did immediately and let herself be led to wherever.

In 20 minutes they arrived at a small restaurant and Anne held the door letting Ann come in first. Ann was still reeling from handholding the entire way and now Anne was acting like a perfect gentlewoman. Turned out the place was packed, but Anne had made a reservation and the couple was led to their table.

“You seem to know a lot of places like this.” Ann pointed out when they ordered.

“Like what?”

“Homey, cozy, soulful. Just like your bar.”

“You know, I’m a writer among other things, so I’m constantly looking for inspiration and I like walking around stumbling on hidden gems around the city. One day I stumbled upon this one and fell in love.”

“Wait, you’re a writer?”

“That’s one way to put it, but yes, I’ve been writing a journal for a few years now, maybe someday it’ll make for an interesting book.”

“Wow. What else inspires you?”

“Travelling, good alcohol, beautiful strangers who get stood up in my bar.”

“That’s…” Ann blushed. “smooth.” Anne winked and changed the subject.

“You know, I just realized I haven’t asked where you’re from yesterday. You’re too nice to be a real NewYorker.”

“I’m from Colorado, just outside of Denver. Liz and I moved here to study, but our parents are still living there.”

“Do you miss them?”

“No. Yes. Sometimes. I mean we don’t really talk anymore.” Ann sighed.

“Dare I ask why? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine. They kinda cut me off when I came out to them a few years ago.” Anne nodded in silent understanding. “Ever since it’s just been birthday phone calls that always end in them asking whether I’ve found myself a husband.”

“I’m sorry.” Anne placed her hand on Ann’s on the table. “I know what it’s like to lose someone close because of who you love.”

“Gosh, how did we get onto such a sad topic?”

“I don’t’ mind, I want to get to know you, Ann. The good, the bad, the sad, whatever happened to make you you.” Anne smiled reassuringly and Ann couldn’t look away, she kept fighting the strongest desire to kiss the woman in front of her right now. What she didn’t know was that Anne in turn was fighting a very similar desire, but she knew she had to be very careful with Ann so as not to scare her away if she came on too strong.

They didn’t get onto any sad subjects that evening anymore, just talking and getting to know each other. Anne spoke about her family in Boston, her favorite dog there, her annoying little sister and shared some funny stories about drunk patrons of her bar, making Ann trill with laughter. The younger woman avoided talking about family, instead telling Anne about her best friends and how supportive they were, her painting aspirations, her sister.

At some point Anne checked her watch. “Wow, it’s almost midnight. How come we spent almost 4 hours here?”

“No, really? I didn’t even notice.”

“Neither did I, but I’ll get the check now, I have an early morning tomorrow, sorry.” Anne said with an exasperated sigh and called the waiter over.

Once outside Anne offered to walk Ann home like the night before. The 20-minute walk was mostly silent, comfortably so.

“This is me.” Ann said stopping in front of her house. “But you already know that, sorry…I…stupid.” She shook her head in embarrassment.

“Hey.” Anne placed a hand under Ann’s chin forcing her to look at her. “It’s not stupid, and neither are you. I find this adorable, truly.” She smiled reassuringly.

Ann was at a loss for words at such a demonstration of affection and her gaze flickered to the other woman’s lips and back up. Anne noticed, of course she did. Slowly, oh so slowly she leaned down until they were just a breath apart, letting Ann make the last move if that’s what she wanted. After a moment’s hesitation Ann closed the distance between them, capturing Anne’s lips in her own, which the other woman gladly welcomed and kissed her back. Ann expected their kiss to be electric, sparkling with the whole 4th-of-July-parade feelings, but no. Instead, she felt like being wrapped up in the warmest and softest of blankets on a rainy day, she felt like floating on a cloud, she felt like her insides were melting and bubbling in the happiest possible way. She felt calm.

Anne broke the kiss and aligned their foreheads. This gesture alone made Ann’s heart jump up and almost out of her ribcage.

“Wow.” She whispered against Anne’s lips.

“Wow indeed.” Anne agreed. “I had a most wonderful time tonight, and that was even before the kiss. Let’s do this again sometime. Soon.”

“I would love to.’’

“l’ll go then, and I’ll call you tomorrow. Good night.”

“Good night, Anne.”

Anne placed a quick but sweet kiss on Ann’s lips and waved the nearest taxi. Ann watched her drive off and only then realized she’d been holding her breath after the kiss. _That woman…_


	4. Chapter 4

As promised, Anne called the next day in the evening.

“Hello, Miss Walker.”

“Anne, hi! I’m glad you called.”

“Well, I promised I would. How are you?”

“Good, just getting ready for work, it’s my late shift today, what about you?”

“In between meetings and I also have a late shift tonight. I guess that means no date for us today.”

“I guess so.” Ann sighed. “And tomorrow I’m visiting my sister, what about this Friday?”

“I’m supposed to be working at night, but I think I’ll change shifts so we can meet.”

“That would be nice, see you on Friday then?”

“Yes. I have to go now, so see you soon, Ann.”

“Bye.”

Ann hung up and sat down on the couch with a cup of coffee. She had some time before she had to leave, so she couldn’t stop her thoughts from running. _Anne is interested in me, how is it even possible? She’s so well-read, handsome, funny and confident and I’m just…me. That’s until she has seen the real me, with the depression and pain and anxiety –_ the voice in her head muttered. _But what if she is the one to stay? Stop, stop thinking about that already, you will only get your hopes up and get your heart crushed once again._

“Urghhh!” Ann placed her head in her hands exasperatedly. “That’s enough!” She stood up abruptly, almost dropping the cup to the floor. With a resolute sigh she finished dressing up and went to work.

The next day Ann went to her sister’s house as planned. Liz was drinking tea, while Ann decided on white wine. She loved her sister for never judging her choices, no matter what. She was the only person in Ann’s life who knew everything about her, no secrets, and shared hers in return.

“So, I know how you “love” this question, but how’s your love life?” Liz asked once they covered the latest news.

“Actually…there’s someone.”

“Tell me everything.” Liz put away her cup of tea giving Ann her undivided attention.

So Ann did. She also shared her doubts and fears, she was not ashamed of all that in front of Liz.

“Now, babygirl, I know I’ve told you that a thousand times, but you are the kindest, purest, most beautiful soul I’ve ever known. And you deserve to be happy, you deserve someone who sees all of you, and accepts you, no matter what.”

“Yeah, but what if I fall for her and she’ll be disappointed in real me.”

“You’ll never know until you try, baby. Maybe she’s just the person to see and accept you, just…give it a try.”

“I will, I can’t stay away from her even if I try for some reason.”

They talked some more until Liz’s husband came home and Ann had to leave. She didn’t like George, he was a bit of a tyrant, a chauvinist and she suspected he didn’t love Liz that much. But Elizabeth seemed happy, so Ann hardly ever brought it up.

Friday came and Ann woke up to a good morning text from Anne also saying that she’ll pick her up at 8 pm. Ann thought she didn’t mind waking up to such texts every morning. Later that day after some deliberation and shuffling through her wardrobe she settled on fitting slim jeans and a silk crop top. At 8 sharp as expected Anne was already waiting for her outside leaning on presumably her car. When Ann approached, she softly drew her closer and kissed her.

“Hi.” Anne whispered against Ann’s lips with a smile.

“Hi. Where are we going?” Ann motioned to the BMW they were leaning against.

“You’ll see.” With that Anne opened the passenger door for Ann to get in.

Turned out they were going to Lower Manhattan, to another gem of a restaurant Anne seemed to know. Once inside they were greeted by obviously the owner, a big and friendly Italian guy who crushed Anne in a hug before showing them to their table.

“So, what’s the story behind you and this place?” Ann asked once they ordered.

“Nothing spectacular. One day I found this little restaurant, came in, ordered and started talking to Francesco, the owner who met us, offered to help them with advertising which turned it into one of the most popular places here and always packed. In turn I can always have a reservation here whenever I want.”

“I see you have a habit of offering to help strangers.” Ann noted.

“Only the ones I like.” Anne replied with a wink.

“Huh. Does that mean you like me?”

“I thought I’ve made it obvious when I asked you out.”

“You did, I’m just…checking.” Ann avoided the questioning look in Anne’s eyes who didn’t pressure further, plus they were both distracted by the waitress arriving with their order.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Feel free to tell me fuck off if you don’t want to answer, but I’m really curious.” Anne said after a sip of wine.

“Shoot.”

“How come you are single? I mean, you are kind, beautiful, interesting and alluring and I can’t imagine anyone resisting falling at your feet.”

“That’s nice of you to say, though I must point out you don’t know me that well.”

“True, but so far I really like what I’ve seen.” Anne placed her hand on Ann’s on the table.

“Okay, so, I guess I’ve been too hung up on my previous relationship, which was a total failure by the way, to start looking for something new for real.”

“Well, you found me.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t looking.”

“Hmm.” Anne thought for a while. “Tell me about your ex.”

“Oh, that was such a cliché. We’ve been together for almost 3 years, and all that time I’ve never met her friends or family. There was always something coming up last minute like someone’s dog is sick, someone has an infection, someone is too busy at work and so on. I was okay with it for a while, but at the end I pressured her and she admitted that she hadn’t come out to anyone and everybody thought she was dating some guy, who travels a lot for work, that’s why he couldn’t meet anyone. And she wasn’t ready to come out and I wasn’t ready to keep being her secret. So we broke up.”

“Ouch, I’ve been there. Once you come out, you can’t return to the closet no matter how much you love someone.”

“Yeah. You know, it’s only fair you tell me about your ex.”

“I was going to propose to her after 2 years of relationship, and it was just my luck that on the day I finally worked up the courage to ask her to be my wife and before I managed to do that, she told me she was getting married…but not to me. To a guy she’s been cheating on me with for the past year. Or cheating on him with me. Either way, it was painful.” Anne tried to say that nonchalantly, but Ann could see the hurt still there.

“I’m sorry.” She intertwined their fingers and squeezed as if saying _I’m here, you’re not alone_ **.**

“Thank you, but it was a while ago, I’m okay now.” Though Ann didn’t really believe her, she decided to leave it be. For now.

They stayed at the restaurant until the closing time. Anne settled the bill and drove Ann back home to Brooklyn.

“So...” Anne said once they were outside the front door.

“So…”

“When can I see you again? I really want too.” Anne said taking Ann’s hands in hers.

“Tomorrow? I get off at 4 pm.”

“Will do.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Anne noticed how Ann’s eyes flickered to her lips and got the hint. She slowly closed the gap between them, enveloping Ann’s lips with her own. After a few seconds of tender kisses, she licked her lips with her tongue asking for entrance, which Ann immediately gave. From then the kiss got way more heated, tongues battling, lips sucking and teeth biting. Ann moaned into Anne’s mouth and they parted, both panting heavily.

“Do you mind if…” Ann tried to work up the courage to ask. “Do you mind if we take things slow?”

“Ann,” Lister gave her the most reassuring smile. “Of course not. You set the pace, I’m fine with whatever.”

“Thank you.” Ann initiated another kiss, this one less heated, but just as tender.


	5. Chapter 5

Anne Lister never considered herself to be lucky. She also never believed in fate. Everything she had now, the bar, the money, the respect – she earned it all by herself, by working hard and persistently. But now, with her growing relationship with Ann Walker she couldn’t help but think that it was both luck and fate. That night at her bar when they met, she was not supposed to be there, it wasn’t even her shift. But John, the bartender had a terrible hangover as he openly admitted to Anne and she had to cover his shift. Not that she minded working extra, but still. And then she met Ann. The girl seemed so out-of-place at the bar, that she immediately noticed her when she came in. It was a habit Anne had – no matter how busy she was with serving drinks, she tried to keep her eyes on the entrance, always on guard for any special guests or troublemakers. That’s when she saw Ann. She looked very lost, ordering a Guinness way too quickly for someone who came here to drown her sorrows or to have a fun night out. Soon Anne realized she was waiting for someone, but as time passed the girl started looking more and more sad. That’s when Anne decided to make a move. She turned on her usual charm and gave Ann her phone number. She thought she’d get a call or at least a text the next day but no. As days passed, she started losing hope and then Ann finally called. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face when they set the time to meet. Coming to the store Anne was pleasantly surprised – she remembered the dressed and dolled up girl she met at the bar, and now she saw a natural beauty, blushing adorably at the sight of her.   
Then it all went well – the store, the restaurant, the asking out. Anne was on top of her game, but somehow, she knew she could scare the girl away if she tried to seduce her too quickly. So she decided to wine and dine her first. She was interesting to talk to, so Anne planned for a nice time ahead.   
And then it changed. Ann opened up about her parents kicking her out, about her sister and Anne felt some long-forgotten strings of her own history stirring. She had a lot in common with Ann, not in terms of experience, obviously, but in terms of pain caused by others. This was a topic she rarely got onto with women she was courting, this was something new and for some reason it didn’t scare her. She didn’t even do dating anymore, not after Vere, it was mostly one-night stands for her. She swore she wouldn’t open up to anyone else, but Ann, sweet Ann, with her doe eyes, freckles and blushing was already scratching at the door to her heart. She took a chance and kissed Ann, and oh God, it was so good. She had a lot of experience, but it’s been a while since she felt something other than lust and promises of a fun night ahead when kissing. She was tender, tentative and wanted to hold Ann when the kiss ended, it was not usual for her. Not that she needed to lure Ann even more, she could see that the girl was already a little bit in love with her. She acted on her instincts, and she held Ann in her arms for some time without any hidden agenda.   
She hadn’t dated for quite some time. After Vere, who broke her heart, her “game” with the ladies was pretty simple – seduce them on one or two dates, never look back. Sometimes it fired back at her, like some angry girl making a scandal at her bar, but other than that it was a pretty safe strategy. And now she’s been dating Ann for almost 4 weeks, they went on dates 3 or 4 times a week and the furthest they went was kissing. Hard. A lot. Ann wanted to go slow, Anne was fine with that, she respected the girl’s wishes and never pressured. She wanted Ann, oh she wanted her so much, she couldn’t wait to see what Ann was like in bed, to coax the sinful sounds out of her, to see how she looked in the morning. But Ann kept her distance and Anne was getting restless. Sometimes she thought that she just wanted to have sex with Ann and after that all her attraction would be gone, other times she thought she was falling for the girl, which is why she kept waiting for the “coffee” invite.   
Anne couldn’t lie to herself and admitted that she was thinking about Ann a lot, daydreaming even. When Ann would come over to her bar, she could barely work, mixing up orders and spilling drinks, earning a lot of teasing from her friends aka colleagues. She was always composed and serious when it came to her job, and now she was coming undone. No way she was falling in love, she didn’t do that anymore, but she couldn’t deny that she had a soft spot for Ann. Anne wanted to touch her when they walked along the street, to hold her, to get to know her secrets and dreams, to be the one Ann felt safe with. For now, she felt as if Ann was holding back, she couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but she guessed there was more to the girl than she let on. Like there was a darker past or present stuff than Ann had already told her. Still, Anne didn’t pressure, she wanted Ann to open up to her at her own terms, and somehow, she was sure sweet Miss Walker would do that sometime soon.   
Anne decided to make a sweet gesture and celebrate their 1-month anniversary at a new posh restaurant. She picked Ann up as usual, and they drove to Upper East Side. Ann was wearing a cocktail dress that ended above her knees and Anne placed her hand there as they drove. Ann placed her hand on top of Anne’s and intertwined their fingers with a goofy smile. They had a lovely time at the restaurant, the portions were small but very tasty and the wine was supreme. They were eating desert in comfortable silence when…  
“Would you…um…would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow and then…stay the night?” Ann asked blushing, but the blinding smile she received in return calmed her nerves a bit.  
“I would love to. What do you have in mind? Should we order something in?”  
“No, I’ll cook us dinner. I mean I’m no chef, but I have mastered a few dishes.”  
“Really? Like what?”  
“You’ll see tomorrow” Ann said with a shy smile.  
“Minx.” Anne scoffed. “All right, well, should I bring something? Wine? Red or white?”   
“White, but you don’t have to.”  
“It’s up to me to decide” Anne kissed Ann on the cheek softly.   
That evening when she dropped Ann off at home the latter kissed Anne hotly, and Anne could barely keep it in her pants as they were making out. When she finally drove off, she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face at the thought of spending the night with Ann.


	6. Chapter 6

Ann couldn’t sleep. She has been thinking about inviting Anne over for some time, and now that she finally did it, she was having second thoughts. Or, more accurately, her anxiety was giving her second thoughts. She had no misconceptions about Anne, she knew she could have any girl she wanted, but for some reason she was sticking around Ann, being sweet and kind and soooo patient. But… _what if she is disappointed at my inexperience? What if she runs the other way in the morning? What if she is in it just for sex? What if I can’t go through with it and she leaves? What if? What if? What if?_

She liked Anne, she really did. She was not in love yet, she wasn’t, she kept telling herself that, hoping there was some truth to that affirmation. Anne was treating her like she mattered, she felt safe around her and was opening up slowly, telling her things about her past she rarely told people. Not her worst secrets, but still. And Anne listened, she didn’t judge and pressure, she was just there for her, with a soft hand on hers, with the tenderest embrace, with a sweet kiss. She respected Ann’s boundaries, she always knew what to say and how to make Ann smile and laugh. Ann was wondering what exactly Anne saw in her, and she felt extremely lucky that she did. That’s why she was nervous, rightfully so. She wanted the evening and more importantly the night to go perfectly, but she had a hundred scenarios of what could go wrong.

To calm herself down she decided to do a thorough cleaning of her apartment. When she was done at was almost 5 am, she was exhausted, but not the least bit sleepy. _Way to go before an important night, Ann._ She gave her place a critical once-over and, satisfied, went to bed trying to fall asleep, succeeding in an hour.

Waking up at 2 pm wasn’t the plan, but she still had 6 hours to get ready for Anne’s arrival. Ann knew that the best way of distracting herself from nervous thoughts was busying herself with some duties. She went to the store to buy everything she needed for dinner, then did some more cleaning up of the already perfectly clean apartment, and finally went to the wardrobe deciding on what to wear. She wanted something both comfortable and sexy. It took her almost an hour to choose a dark green summer dress with a nice cleavage, with a matching black underwear underneath. Then she styled her hair and put some makeup on. Almost happy with her look she rushed to the kitchen to start the dinner - Anne was supposed to come in less than an hour. She quickly prepared a Greek salad and put the water to boil for pasta.

Ann checked the clock – it was almost 8 pm. Punctual as ever, Anne rang the doorbell a few minutes later and Ann all but ran to the front door. As she opened it, she was surprised to see Anne holding a bouquet of dark pink roses.

“Hi there” Anne said with a smile.

“Hi.” Ann stepped away to let the other woman in.

“These are for you.” Anne handed her the roses.

“They are beautiful, thank you.” Ann kissed her as a greeting and as a thank you. “Come on in, the dinner is almost ready.”

“I brought wine and dessert.” Anne handed it all to Ann as they entered the kitchen and looked around. “Your place is very nice, it’s so you, like your shop.”

“Thanks. After I left home, I needed something that was just mine, some place to make my own so that I could at least feel at home. So I turned this apartment into one. It’s not much, but do you want a tour?”

“Of course.”

Ann led her to the living room, then to the bedroom and finally to her studio where all her paintings were. Anne took a few steps to examine them closely.

“Ann, these are seriously good. You have talent, you never said that.”

“Oh, I don’t…I don’t know about talent…” Ann blushed a little.

“Hey.” Anne stepped closer and embraced her. “You should stop having such a poor opinion of yourself.”

“When I’m with you I don’t. When I’m with you I feel like I could…take on the world.” Ann chuckled.

“Good, I want you to always feel like that, cause you can.” Anne kissed her softly.

“Dinner?” Ann asked when they parted.

“Lead the way.”

Ann made pasta bolognese, serving it with the salad she previously made and white wine. The couple talked a lot while eating, Anne making jokes every and placing soft kisses on Ann’s wrists every now and then. Ann thought this was the happiest she’s ever been, not that she ever felt unhappy with Anne, but this was something else, something more intimate and comfortable, being alone with her, just the two of them.

When they were done with dinner, they moved to the living room couch with their wine glasses. Although they had drunk two bottles of wine already, Ann was not even tipsy – her whole body was buzzing with nervous anticipation and excitement at Anne’s proximity.

“I think I don’t tell you that enough – you are gorgeously beautiful, Ann.”

Ann blushed at the intense stare Anne gave her at these words, and surprised even herself by making the first move and capturing Anne’s lips in hers. Anne responded immediately, kissing her back with as much heat as only she was capable of. They only parted for a second to put the glasses on the coffee table and then resumed kissing. Anne’s hands were everywhere all at once, or so Ann felt – in her hair, on her waist, on her neck, on her knees.

Suddenly she felt Anne’s hand sliding down her neck down to her breasts, ever ever so slowly, as if she was made of finest china. Ann gasped. Anne must have felt Ann’s hesitation, or so she thought, and stopped kissing her, making Ann open her eyes to look at her.

“Ann, you’re trembling.” Ann didn’t realize she was, in fact, trembling. “Baby, we don’t have to do anything if you’re not sure.” Anne whispered stroking Ann’s cheek tenderly.

“I’m sure. I’m just…nervous.” She tried to look away but Anne didn’t let her.

“Nervous? Why?”

“You. You make me nervous. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Oh, Ann.” Anne kissed her ever so softly. “You couldn’t possibly disappoint me. Just…relax and let me take the lead.”

After a moment’s hesitation Ann nodded and let herself melt into Anne’s renewed kisses and caresses. Oh, and caresses they were. Anne took her sweet time with the blonde, slowly tracing her hands all over Ann’s body. Ann lost all sense of time and space, she could only feel Anne’s heated kisses and her hands which moved to the hem of Ann’s dress above her knees. At that Ann broke the kiss only to whisper “Bedroom”. Anne pulled her up and lead her to the said room. Once inside, she kept on kissing Ann until they both fell on the bed, Anne on top.

Once again she moved her hands to the hem of Ann’s dress and finally pulled it up and over her head. Ann was left only in her underwear, feeling herself blush under Anne’s darkened and heated gaze on her body.

“Wow.” Anne said finally looking Ann in the eye. Leaning down she kissed Ann again, until she moved her lips to Ann’s jaw and then neck and then her pulse point, sucking and biting there. It would surely leave a hickey, but Ann couldn’t care less, moaning at the action instead. She felt weak at the knees and so turned on, but somehow managed to unbutton Anne’s shirt and pull it down her arms. Anne felt emboldened but this move and made quick work of Ann’s bra and moved her attention to her breasts, licking the hardened nipples by turn. Ann’s back arched into the touch and a loud moan escaped her mouth. She felt Anne grin against her skin and continue her journey south. She left kisses all along her body leaving burning traces on her way. Once she reached the edge of Ann’s panties she slowed down and looked up, searching Ann’s eyes for any sign of hesitation, receiving a quick nod instead. Ann watched Anne pull the last piece of clothing down her legs and kiss her way up her legs so so slowly, paying attention to every inch of exposed skin. Ann’s head fell back on the pillow when Anne reached the place where she wanted her most, and tasted her for the first time. Both women moaned at the sensation, Anne probing and drawing circles around Ann’s clit, the other girl’s hands finding their way into Anne’s hair. Suddenly Anne’s inserted a finger and then another one into Ann’s heated core making Ann scream out her name and arch off the bed. Anne kissed her way up never once stopping her hand’s movement until she found Ann’s lips. Ann gripped her shoulders tightly, she was so close already.

“Anne…mm…I’m gonna…” She tried to say between pants and moans.

“Darling, look at me.” She did as asked, though she could barely keep her eyes open at the overwhelming sensations. She was losing it very quickly, and then Ann curled her fingers inside her upwards, hitting the spongy spot and that’s when Ann finally felt her insides melt and burst, she saw stars behind her eyes, as she came with her mouth opening in the “o” shape and her entire body arching into Anne’s, who kissed her tenderly and brought her down from her high.

“Anne…that was…wow.” Anne chuckled and kissed her again, while Ann’s breathing came back to normal, and when it did, Ann whispered “I wanna…I wanna taste what you taste like.”

Anne looked genuinely surprised at this, but her breath hitched. Ann used this moment to flip them around, so that she was on top. Anne didn’t fight back, only drawing her down for an open-mouthed kiss. Ann took the chance to place her knee between Anne’s legs and start moving torturously slowly. She broke the kiss to look at Anne and she thought she had never seen anything so sexy – Anne’s mouth open, her eyes half closed and darkened and her hair a mess on the pillow. Ann moved down and placed her lips on Anne’s neck, kissing and sucking until she felt rather than heard a moan coming up. Anne’s moans were quickly becoming Ann’s favorite sounds, especially since she was causing them. Ann unclasped Anne’s bra and drew her attention and kisses to Anne’s breasts, earning more moans from the woman. Suddenly impatient, she made quick work of Anne’s pants and boxer briefs, pulling them down and placing herself between Anne’s legs. She could already feel the heat coming off of Anne’s center and she couldn’t wait anymore. All hesitation and doubts aside, Ann placed the first tentative kiss on Anne’s nub of nerves and the other woman trembled beneath her. She kept licking and sucking, moaning herself and enjoying the reaction she got from Anne. Suddenly Anne grasped her hair and Ann doubled her efforts, drawing random patters on the clit, alternating between slow and fast until Anne gasped out loud and arched up. Ann kept licking her until she calmed down and only then started kissing her way up. She expected soft and slow kisses, but instead Anne grasped her tightly and flipped them around giving her a toe-curling kiss. Before Ann knew what was happening, Anne was licking and kissing her way down her body. The night was still young…


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after...

The rays of the Sun falling on her face woke Ann up. She tried to move, but couldn’t – there was a hand on her waist, holding her tightly. _Anne…_ Ann turned around slowly trying not to disturb the other woman. _She looks so beautiful and peaceful. And she is still here, with me. Last night was…_

“I can hear you thinking.” Anne said slowly opening her eyes.

“Oh, I…good morning.”

“Morning.” Anne drew her in for a sweet kiss. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good and sore, but good sore.” Ann blushed.

“You are adorable, darling.” Anne kissed her again. “Can I make you breakfast? I make very mean toasts and scrambled eggs.”

“How mean?”

“Borderline rude.”

“Well, then sure, make me your abusive breakfast.” Ann chuckled and reluctantly let Anne get up and put on her shirt and boxer briefs. Blushing, she noticed red lines from her nails left on Anne’s back last night.

“Do you have a spare toothbrush?” Anne asked from the bathroom.

“Yeah, in the cabinet beneath the sink.” Ann got up too and putting a t-shirt went to the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe. Anne looked up and smiled at her while brushing her teeth. Ann thought THIS was the sexiest sight ever – Anne in her bathroom, just in her shirt, with messy hair and toothpaste around her mouth.

Anne was making breakfast and humming some song when Ann came to the kitchen.

“Do you need help?” She asked embracing Anne from behind.

“No, I’m all good.” Anne turned in her hands and kissed her. They spent a lot of time kissing.

“I’ll make coffee then.”

The breakfast and coffee ready, both women sat down to eat.

“I have to work today, my shift starts at 7 pm. What about you?” Anne asked.

“I’m free today.”

“Well then, would you like to go for a walk, grab lunch and then dinner somewhere before I go to work?”

“I would love to, Anne.” Ann received a beaming smile and a kiss in return to her answer.

They spent a most wonderful day at the Prospect park, the weather was not as hot as usually this time of year, so the couple chose a bench in the sun and ate ice-creams, enjoying each other’s proximity. They kissed and laughed a lot, too, of course. Ann felt entirely happy, she hasn’t felt this way in a very long time, but now it seemed there was nothing in the world that could dampen her moods.

“What are you thinking?” Anne asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m just…I feel so happy right now.” Ann told her truthfully. “Last night was…amazing, and this – us – right now is more than I could have ever hoped for.”

“I’m happy too, Ann.” Anne noted and kissed the other girl soundly.

Some time later they left the park to look for some place to have dinner. They stumbled upon a tiny French restaurant and decided to give it a try. The food turned out to be rather exquisite. They decided to call it “their” place as they found it together.

Ann was a bit sad when they had to part as it was time for Anne to go to work.

“Look, I get off at 12:30 am, and I was wondering whether you’d like to come to my bar sometime before then and we’ll take it from there? I mean I know we already spend a lot of time together, but honestly I wouldn’t mind spending much more with you.” Anne suggested.

“I would like that too.” Ann couldn’t help the radiant smile that lit up her face.

Once at home alone, Ann sat on the couch thinking about the past 24 hours. _Anne. How is it even possible to be so smitten with someone? We’ve been seeing each other for a month, and I already think about her a lot more often than I should. She’s so wonderful, so tender and hot at the same time, she wants me. Why does she want me? Be careful, you should protect your heart._ Her anxiety warned her. _I’m not the type of girl to fall in love after first sex, no way that is happening here… Still, I can’t wait to see her again. Oh God, that woman is driving me crazy. And she makes me really happy. When was the last time I felt like this? Even with Rachel I didn’t feel this way, like my depression is no longer hovering over me._

“Shit!” Ann exclaimed – she realized she’d forgotten to take her anti-depressants that morning.

_I’m already slipping from my routine. All because of her. If I go on like this, and Anne leaves me at some point, what will I be left with? A broken heart and another severe bout of depression. I should really be more careful._

Though when she went to the bathroom and noticed the hickey Anne left on the side of her neck, memories from last night came rushing in, Ann grinned from ear to ear, and decided to take a cold shower. Once she was done, she shuffled though her wardrobe and chose black skinny jeans with a black concert T-shirt and headed towards “Lister’s”. By the time she got there it was 11:30 pm, which meant she had to wait for an hour for Anne’s shift to end. When she entered Anne immediately saw her and waved beamingly for her to come over to the end of the bar. There was a “reserved” plate in front of one of the bar stools. Anne leaned over the bar to greet her with a fond kiss, which Ann responded to happily.

“I’m glad you came. I still have to work though.” Anne noted pointing to the crowded bar.

“No problem. I’ll wait.”

“Do you want a Guinness or something while you wait?”

“Guinness would be perfect.”

With a toothy smile Anne went to the taps to get the drink and quickly brought it to Ann, taking her hand to place a kiss there, making Ann giggle. Anne retreated to the bar to take other orders. Ann watched her interact with customers – always a smile on her face, a joke ready and so much confidence. She couldn’t believe that was her girlfriend. _Is she, though?_ Suddenly she was brought out of her thoughts by somebody sitting on the stool next to hers.

“Can I buy you a drink, beautiful?” The man asked her with a wink. He looked a bit drunk already and Ann tensed. She hated dealing with drunk guys.

“Thank you, but I already have a drink.” She pointed to her beer, but that didn’t deter the man in the slightest.

“All right, can I then get your number?”

“I’m sorry, but no.”

“Why? Are you playing hard-to-get? Why else would you come to a bar on Saturday night all alone?” He moved closer and Ann could smell the alcohol on his breath and cringed. Before she could answer she felt a hand on her waist drawing her close and away from the guy.

“She’s not alone, she’s with me.” Anne said giving the man a deadly stare.

He looked between them stupidly, his drunk brain trying to assess the situation and finally got up to walk away muttering something about “fucking lesbians”.

“Thank you.” Ann whispered into Anne’s neck, relaxing a bit.

“Not at all. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Ann wasn’t but she wasn’t ready to explain it to Anne, so she decided to change the topic. “Listen, I have some pasta left from last night and we haven’t touched dessert, so…do you want to come over to mine when you finish work?”

“Oh I think we covered the “dessert” all right, didn’t we?” Anne noticed and laughed smugly at Ann’s blush. “I would love to come. To your place I mean.” Winking, she retreated to the bar, leaving a furiously blushing Ann with her Guinness.

That night they didn’t make it past the living room’s couch, and the pasta was left for breakfast.


	8. Chapter 8

They had created a routine of their own – finding time to spend with each other between their always changing shifts at work, spending almost all nights at Ann’s place, making love, watching stupid TV shows Ann liked and Anne…well, she was just happy to go with whatever made Ann happy. The girl was really growing on her. Ann was wearing only a nightgown, and Anne made it a point to keep her warm by drawing her as close as possible. Anne hadn’t felt this domestic in a long while and she really really liked this feeling. Not that she would admit that openly out loud, but she started hoping that maybe her lone wolf days were over and she might have a wonderful life with Ann. Traveling, finding new hidden gems of restaurants, making love, exploring new sights, taking stupid selfies all over the world, setting up home together. _No, that’s way too far from where we’re now._ Still, as Ann laughed out at some joke in the show and immediately looked up at Anne with so much adoration - _So much love –_ Anne couldn’t help but think that maybe that future was not too far away. Ann must have sensed that her lover’s mind was elsewhere and looked at her quizzically. Instead of answering the silent question, Anne simply closed the gap between them, kissing Ann with tenderness.

Ann immediately melted into the kiss and locked her arms around Anne’s neck. They kissed for a while, the show forgotten, just enjoying each other’s closeness, each other’s warmth and unique scent. That was until Ann felt the familiar stirring down there and kissed Anne more insistently, which Anne welcomed with a chuckle. She loved it when Ann took control and was open about what she wanted, and she was willing to give it to her. The kisses became messy, interrupted by moans and gasps and hands roaming all over each other, when in a swift motion Ann straddled Anne’s legs, surprising the older woman who broke the kiss and looked up at Ann with hooded eyes. Ann smiled at the sight before her – she could barely believe she could have this effect on Anne, turning her on as much as she did to Ann, wanting her, unraveling so quickly and yet holding back. Ann was always the first one to give in. So she did. She bent her head and captured Anne’s lips once again with renewed fever. That was also the final straw for Anne, in one quick move she pulled Ann’s gown up and threw it somewhere behind her. She was done letting Ann control the pace so she turned the tables. Almost literally. Anne sat up and turned them around, pinning Ann to the couch beneath her, never breaking the kiss.

Anne’s lips slowly, oh so slowly, made their way along Ann’s jaw and to her neck, to the point just below her ear that Anne already knew would drive her crazy. As if on cue, Ann started squirming and bucking her hips, needing at least some friction. She almost lost it when Anne started sliding her hand from her knee and upwards and she was almost where Ann needed her but she decided to just skip the part needing most attention and stroke her flat stomach instead.

“Anne…” Ann half-moaned half-begged.

“What?” Anne kept kissing her neck with a smug smile. “What do you need, Miss Walker?”

“You…your…” Ann could barely make a coherent sentence as Anne’s hand started moving downwards again. “Your fingers…please…” Anne chuckled at Ann’s impatience.

“As you wish, my lady.” Having said that Anne kissed the blond fervently while maneuvering her hand into Ann’s underwear, gasping at the wetness already there for her. Spreading her inner lips she slowly entered her lover with two fingers, letting Ann get used to the stretch. Ann whimpered and crossed her legs behind Anne’s lover back and started moving in rhythm with Anne’s fingers sliding in and out of her. Anne broke the kiss as Ann’s fingers started scratching her shoulders almost painfully and her breath caught as such earnest hunger unveils below her in Ann’s eyes. In a few moments Ann rolled her head back into the couch pillow and she came with Anne’s name on her lips.

Anne worked her down from her high and Ann’s hold on her slowly relaxed. In blissful oblivion Ann reached up to kiss her lover tenderly. As her breathing went back to normal, the kisses turned more fervent and Ann forcefully pushed Anne up so that she was straddling her and pulled off her t-shirt. Then she pushed her back to lie on top of her and kissed her way down to Anne’s neck. Anne grunted as Ann bit into the skin there and felt her smile, soothing the bite with her tongue. Anne was usually not very vocal during sex, but as Ann sucked on her nipple and pinched her other with her fingers, she couldn’t help but moan out loud. Satisfied, Ann continued her journey south, and was again surprised at how much Anne wanted her. She alternated between sucking and licking her clit and doubled her efforts when Anne’s hand tugged on her hair, drawing her closer. And then she came moaning out “Ann..”. Helping Anne through her orgasm, Ann kissed her way up her body until she reached her lips.

“You…are…amazing.” Anne whispered against the blonde’s lips before capturing them with her own.

“So are you.” Those were not the three words Ann wanted to say, but they would do for now.

Some time later they decided to call in a night and moved to the bedroom. Ann snuggled close to Anne, nuzzling her neck and fell asleep. She used to struggle with sleep before, her anxiety and thoughts keeping her up until exhaustion took over, but now, surrounded by Anne’s warmth and quiet breathing, she started falling asleep even faster than she would like. She wanted to cherish these moments, this closeness and peace, but couldn’t stay awake for too long. She used to fantasize about what her life could be in a parallel universe, but now, in Anne’s arms, her dreams were coming true and she didn’t need to dream any more, her reality was even better than anything she could have imagined.

Anne woke up to a rustling of paper. Opening one eye she saw Ann in a nearby armchair scribbling in a notebook. She looked at her watch – it was 3 am and still dark outside. 

“Darling, what are you doing?” Ann looked up startled.

“Oh, I..um..I’m painting you.” The blonde blushed. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”

“It’s completely okay as long as I can see the result.” Anne sat up and motioned for Ann to come back to bed. The younger woman complied eagerly, turning on the bedside lamp on her way. Sitting beside Anne, she humbly opened her notebook to demonstrate her drawing. It was a simple sketch of Anne’s lithe body, half-covered by the blanket. Anne examined it for a while and Ann started chewing her lips nervously.

“Can I keep this?” Anne said after a while, looking at Ann affectionately.

“Really?” Ann asked incredulously.

“Yes. I love this. You are very talented, Ann.” Ann blushed and Anne brought her hand to her chin to make the blonde look at her. “You are. Believe me.” She said honestly and Ann simply nodded. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe Anne was telling the truth, it was just that her self-esteem was too low to truly accept the praise.

“Thank you and yes, of course you can keep this.”

“Now can we go back to sleep? It’s 3 am, honey.”

“Sure.” Ann smiled at her lover and kissed her soundly, leaving Anne wanting more, but Ann simply turned around smiling cockily and pulled Anne’s hand around her waist. Anne chuckled and pulled her closer, the couple falling asleep once again.


	9. Chapter 9

_A few weeks later…_

Ann had her head on Anne’s lap as they were passing time in Ann’s living room.

“I have an idea, I wanted to ask you something.” Anne said suddenly.

“Go ahead, what is it?” Ann leaned up and tensed a bit.

“Um…a friend of mine has a house in Long Beach, and it’s free next weekend. It’s right on the beach, with beautiful views, so I was wondering if you’d like to go there with me for 3 days, if we leave on Friday?” Anne’s looked nervous, it wasn’t a usual behavior for her.

“Anne, I would love to! It sounds amazing!” Ann leaned in and kissed Anne, wiping all nervousness off her features.

Next Friday came much sooner than Ann expected. She was nervous at the prospect of spending the entire three days alone with Anne, she was worried Anne would get fed up with her even over such a short time. _Surely Anne would realize that I don’t have much to offer her, and then she’ll leave. She’s way out of my league, I know that, but for some reason she’s still with me. Maybe not for long…_

Somehow, she managed to pack her suitcase with all the stuff she’d need on their mini-vacation. At 8 in the morning Anne rang the doorbell and the couple went to the car to start their vacation. Anne got them coffee, she already knew Ann’s order – latte with cinnamon and 2 spoons of sugar. The road took them a little longer than an hour and it was mostly spent in comfortable silence. Ann realized she must have drifted off at some point and woke up only when Anne softly stroked her cheek to announce their arrival.

“We’re here, babe.” She said motioning to the house in front of the car.

“Wow…” Ann shielded her eyes from the sun and took the house in. It was a typical seaside house in soft colors, with sand dunes visible out front.

“Let’s go in.”

The inside of the house was mostly beige and white colors, with seaside pictures and decorations all over the place.

“Let’s go the beach, like, now!” Ann suggested enthusiastically and Anne nodded with a smile.

The three days in Long Beach passed in a whirlwind of sunbathing, swimming, eating at seafood restaurants, lots of sex and kissing ever so often. In the evenings they usually sat on the porch, cuddled together and drinking wine. The second evening they were sitting like this and Ann had never felt so at peace and so safe as right then with Anne’s hands around her. She decided to take a leap of faith.

“Anne, there’s something I wanna tell you. Wanted to for a while now, but…”

“Sure, anything.”

“I…um…I struggle with clinical depression. And anxiety. I’m taking anti-depressants, have been on them for almost three years. It’s better with the meds, but still it gets really hard sometimes.” Ann couldn’t bear to look at Anne, so she stared ahead, afraid to even move. After a few seconds of silence, she felt Anne’s arms tighten around her.

“What can I do to help?” Ann’s head snapped up – she didn’t expect anything close to this reaction.

“You are doing it right now, Anne. I thought…you’d be disappointed or disgusted.”

“Ann, never.” Anne placed her hand under Ann’s chin to make her look at her. “I know how hard and draining this thing is, I have a friend struggling with depression. I’m so glad you told me. That means a lot. And whatever you need, I’m here for you, sweetheart. Anytime.” She kissed her tenderly.

“Thank you. It means the world to me.” Ann felt tears prickling her eyes, but didn’t let them fall.

“Wanna tell me more about it?”

“Maybe another time, all right?”

“Of course.” Anne nuzzled her nose against Ann’s, making her chuckle.

The mini-vacation was over, they headed back to the city. They both were relaxed and peaceful, Anne’s hand finding its place on Ann’s knee. Ann felt happy and relieved – finally she told Anne some of her secrets. It went well, actually even in her wildest dreams Ann hadn’t thought Anne would react like this – totally understanding and sweet.

Once they reached Ann’s place, Anne turned to her.

“I had a wonderful time. I’ll go home now and I’ll see you…tomorrow? Maybe?”

“Yeah, tomorrow works for me. See you.” Ann wanted to get out of the car, but was stopped by Anne’s hand on her shoulders drawing her back and into a fond kiss. When they parted, Ann had a biggest smile on her face. _I love you._ Ann thought but didn’t say it.

 _I love her? Not possible. I don’t love her, we’ve only known each other for 2 months. This is crazy. No no no no no, she absolutely doesn’t feel the same way. What now?_ Panicking, Ann called her sister, even though it was pretty late.

“Hey, sis, what’s up?” Liz cheerfully asked.

“Liz, I think I’m in love.”

“Oh…” There was a prolonged silence and Ann kept panicking. “It’s her, right? Anne?”

“Yes. She’s…so good to me, Liz. She is caring, tender, understanding and she always knows what to say to make me feel better. I told her about my depression and anxiety and she didn’t run. She’s still with me, you know. How is this even possible?”

“Babygirl, did it ever cross your mind that she might be in love with you too?”

“No. It’s not possible. Liz, if you’ve met her, you’d understand. She is so confident and hot and she could have anyone she wanted. And I don’t even know if she considers me her girlfriend.”

“Okay, calm down. There’s one way to learn about the girlfriend part – you could just ask her. And Ann, I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this – you are wonderful, beautiful and so kind, I’m sure Anne sees it too. She didn’t run, she spends most of her free time with you, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

“No buts. Ann, she makes you happy and that’s what matters most. I understand where you’re coming from, but please, don’t let your fears ruin such a good thing. I haven’t seen you this ecstatic about someone since Rachel. No, even with Rachel you weren’t like this. Annie, listen, love is never guaranteed, but if you think you love her, maybe you should just tell her. You might be surprised.”

“Right, maybe in another life.” Ann scoffed though she knew Liz was right.

“Oh honey. Anyway, enjoy the feeling, enjoy being with her. Don’t overthink it all, okay?”

“Easier said than done. Thank you, Liz. You always know what to say.”

“Anytime, babygirl. Love you and good night.”

“Love you too.”

Ann went to bed and tried to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay until she fell asleep.

The next day Anne called her to suggest picking her up at 7 pm. They went to the Italian place they had their first dinner in. As always, Anne was all touches and tender kisses and Ann’s heart skipped a beat. _How is this perfect woman with me?_ Anne was telling her a story about her last trip to London and how she saw the Queen though the gates and screamed “Yassss Queen!” getting disapproving looks from other tourists. Ann listened to her with a smile and realized she was a goner. _I have it so bad for her. Maybe I should just tell her. But that is so scary. Maybe…start with the girlfriend thing, what if it’s all in my head…_

“Ann?” Anne broke her train of thoughts and Ann had to blink a few times realizing she’d zoned out. “Where’d you go right now?”

“Oh…I…” Ann was torn between telling her the truth or prevaricating. “I wanted to ask you something. But you’ll think it’s stupid.”

“Ann, whatever it is, I will never think “stupid” about anything going on in that mind of yours.” Anne placed her hand on Ann’s reassuringly.

“What…” Ann took a deep breath. “What are we? I mean what am I to you?”

“What do you mean? You are my girlfriend.” Ann said without a moment’s hesitation.

“I am?” Ann asked incredulously.

“Of course. Why would you…” Anne frowned. She didn’t understand how Ann could even doubt that. And then she connected the dots. Ann was an ovethinker, she had anxiety, of course she would have doubts and Anne was the biggest idiot for not bringing it up earlier. “Oh, Ann.” She scooted closer to Ann and placed a finger under her chin to make her look her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry, I should have made it clear long ago. I’m an idiot who is so smitten with you that it was totally clear to me that we’re dating, that you…” Anne kissed her cheek. “Are…” Another kiss. “My…” Kiss. “Girlfriend.” Finally, she kissed her lips tenderly and looked at Ann to see if she got her point across. In return Ann grabbed her by the neck and crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss.

“Okay.” Was all she said and tried to hide her beaming smile behind her glass of wine.


	10. Chapter 10

It was early morning when Ann went into her kitchen to take her anti-depressants. She was used to taking them 3 times a day that it was like brushing her teeth in the morning, simple routine. Suddenly she felt a hand wrap around her waist, startling her. _Anne._

“Honey.” Anne whispered against her ear making Ann shiver. “It was cold without you in bed. What are you doing up so early?”

“I…um…” Ann turned around in Anne’s arms and placed her hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders. “The meds. I have to take them at 6 am, 4 pm and then at 11 pm.” She bowed her head in shame. Even though Anne knew about her depression, it was still a hard topic to talk about.

“Come back to bed, hm?” Anne pulled her towards the bedroom. Once under the covers, she pulled Ann impossibly closer and placed what felt like a dozen kisses on her face. “Baby, talk to me, please. I am here for you, I don’t want you to be ashamed around me. Ever. When did you find out?”

“3 years ago.” Ann contemplated her options – tell Anne everything or change the subject. Though scared, she chose the former. “Nothing bad happened to me or anything, but I started feeling, well, nothing really. Things that used to cheer me up, people who I loved, even my job started feeling insipid, meaningless. I was even kinda dating this girl back then and I felt nothing for her. At first, I thought I was just tired, or needed a change of scenery. For NY Eve my friends and I went to Universal Studios in Orlando. It was supposed to shake me up. Instead, I felt as empty as ever, none of the fun we had really got to me. I mean I smiled and laughed and screamed at the roller coasters, but deep inside I felt…dead.” Ann took a breath and met Anne’s eyes cautiously. Anne simply nodded and kissed her, urging her to go on. “We came back and I kept pretending. It was so ridiculous to me – everything was good in my life and I felt like that. Months went by and nothing changed. I was withdrawing into myself more and more so that my best friend saw though the always happy façade and we had a difficult talk. I told her everything. She didn’t fully understand how I felt, but she was there for me when it got too hard to deal with on my own. Around that time Liz got a present – a trip to Paris for two. She decided to take me with her, as her husband couldn’t make it. I love Paris. I guess it’s my favorite city, I love everything about it. I thought “that’s it, that trip will bring me back.” But…it didn’t. We spent hours walking around the city, and I felt nothing. I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, everything I did felt like I was unloading a wagon of bricks. Nothing stirred anything inside me. I felt like a mere shadow of myself, walking around the most beautiful city on earth. I couldn’t do it anymore and confessed to Liz. She quickly found a psychotherapist for me and even paid for the visit. The therapist suggested I either had depression, or emotional burnout or existential crisis. She directed me to a psychiatrist, who confirmed I had depression and subscribed meds.”

“Did they help?” Anne asked after a pause.

“At first yes, I felt better, I started feeling again. But after 3 or 4 months I spiraled back to the way I was, and even worse. This time he prescribed stronger meds. They worked for a while and then again, they stopped. Now I’m on a third set of meds and they do help. Really. I mean I’m not always happy or anything, but I can feel things, I feel when I am happy, or sad, or excited.” _Happy when I’m with you._ She thought.

“Oh honey.” Anne kissed her again. “Look, I only have a faint idea about how you feel, but I promise you are not alone in this. If you need me for anything, I don’t know what exactly, but really anything, I am here for you. If you feel worse again, tell me, I’ll be there for you. Thank you for telling me all this.” She pulled Ann into a tender kiss.

 _I love you so much. I love you. I love you._ Ann kept thinking while they kissed and she tried to put all her emotions into the kiss. Anne must have felt something and she pulled Ann closer to her body, enveloping her in her arms, never once breaking the kiss.

“I’m here, Ann.” Anne whispered against her lips when they parted.

“Thank you.” The three words were once again on the tip of her tongue, but she pushed them back.

Despite Ann’s fears nothing changed between them after her confession. Anne was her usual tender and kind self, never once making Ann feel like an invalid. And Ann kept falling even wore in love with her, if that was even possible. Still, something was holding her back. She couldn’t quite place her finger on it, but something was bothering her. Not really bothering, cause she felt entirely happy when she was with Anne, but it was like Anne didn’t let her in completely. Then one day she realized what it was – in the three months they’ve been together, she had never been to Ann’s home. The bar – yes, she’d spent quite a few evenings there, but as for the nights – they only ever spent them at Ann’s place. Once she realized it, the anxiety reared its head with renewed force. _What if she’s lying to me? What if she’s married and that’s why she is not inviting me over? Why else would she keep her place to herself?_

Though these thoughts kept eating away at her self-esteem, Ann didn’t let it show when she was around Ann. It was like all her doubts and fears faded away when she was in Anne’s arms. They were lying on the couch huddled together under a blanket, watching some show on Netflix. Ann wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening on the screen, distracted by Anne’s fingers tracing random patterns on her shoulder. Ann thought back on how they met – the non-show Tinder date and Anne’s confident flirting. _I know now she was flirting._ She couldn’t believe there was even a chance for her with a woman like Anne, but here they were, together, on Ann’s couch. And Anne didn’t seem to be going anywhere.

“Honey?” Anne broke Ann’s train of thought.

“Mh-hm?” She looked up at Anne.

“There’s this party I’m throwing at the bar next Friday, would you like to come?”

“Sure. Who’ll be there?”

“Guys from the bar and patrons you’ve met and some other friends of mine. I’d like to introduce you to them.”

“Really?” Ann smiled brightly at the idea.

“Of course. I mean I already talk about you a lot, they think you don’t exist and want to meet you too. If that’s okay with you.” Ann rarely saw that side of Anne – unsure and nervous.

“It’s absolutely okay with me. I’d love to meet your friends.” Ann said honestly, making Anne chuckle and draw her in for a kiss that quickly turned into making out, Netflix forgotten entirely.

As next Friday drew nearer, Ann grew more nervous and restless. Yes, she was on pretty good terms with Anne’s co-workers, but meeting her friends was a different story altogether. _What if they don’t like me? What if Anne sees it? What if they realize I’m not good enough for Anne? What if? What if?_

Nevertheless, as Friday came, Ann entered “Lister’s” with all the confidence she could muster. Anne immediately introduced her to everyone and they seemed to take her in as one of their own, joking and talking to her a lot.

Tib watched Ann from the side. Taking one last gulp of her drink, she approached Ann carefully. She knew Ann was Anne’s girlfriend and that fact alone irked her immensely.

“Hi, I’m Anne’s friend Tib.”

“Oh, hello. I’m Ann.” Ann stretched out her hand which Tib ignored purposefully.

“So…you are Anne’s new plaything.” Tib said nonchalantly.

“What…what do you mean?” Tib’s words felt like a cold shower to Ann.

“Sorry, I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you that, forget I said anything.” She turned to leave but Ann stopped her.

“Wait. Tell me what you mean. Please.”

“Oh, well, every once in a while, Anne finds herself someone other than a one-night stand. Before you there were Jessica, Monica, Rachel and some other girls whose names I don’t even remember. It never lasts long and you look like a very nice person so I thought I’d warn you not to get too invested.” With that she left a very shocked Ann behind and went to get a drink.

_What the actual fuck?!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I had a pretty tough period at work :( Anyway, here it goes...

Anne watched the exchange between Ann and Tib with some concern, she knew Tib had feelings for her and it was always a bit awkward. They tired dating, but Anne soon realized she had no feelings for Tib other than friendly ones. Tib took it hard but in the end, they managed to maintain a friendship, not a very close one, but still. Now she immediately felt something was wrong as she saw Ann tense at something Tib said. She quickly made her way towards her girlfriend only to watch her storm out of the bar. Anne rushed to Tib and turned her around furiously.

“What the hell did you tell her?”

“Who? Oh, your little girlfriend? The truth about who you are.” Tib spit out. “She deserves better than being another one of your playthings, Anne.”

“What the fuck? She is not a plaything, Tib! I can’t even look at you right now, I’ll deal with you later.” With that Anne rushed out of the bar looking around for Ann. She didn’t have to search for too long cause there Ann was – her back against the nearest wall, her chest heaving and a distant look in her eyes.

“Ann..” Anne reached her in a couple of strides and tried to put her hand on Ann’s but the blonde only drew back, not letting the touch disrupt her thoughts. 

“Is that true?” Ann whispered.

“What?”

“That I’m just a plaything to you.” Ann finally looked up and Anne was taken aback by the hurt she saw in Ann’s eyes.

“No, of course not!” She made another move to touch Ann, but to no avail. “Ann, you are my girlfriend. I don’t know what Tib told you, but that’s not true. I’m all yours.”

“So…Rachel, Jessica and Monica are also a lie?” Anne’s eyes widened at Ann’s knowledge of these names.

“Yes. No. I was with them for a while, it didn’t work. They just didn’t mean that much to me.”

“Oh and I do?”

“Yes!” Anne stepped closer to her girl, trying to get her point across, but Ann stepped away. “Ann, this, us is different. I’ve never felt like this with any of other women, I want you in my life. Please, you have to believe me.” She lifted her hand to touch Ann’s cheek but the blonde only shied away.

“Right. And how many other girls have you told that to before?” Ann raised her voice at the question, she was getting angry.

“None. Ann, you know I’ve been with many women before you, why is that an issue suddenly?”

“That…that is not an issue. The issue is that your friend seems to care more about my feelings than you. She warned me about you and now I see why. I’m such an idiot.” Ann shook her head trying not to let the angry tears fall.

“Ann, listen to me, what she said…”

“Is not true, right, you already said that. I always knew this was too good to be true, I wanted to believe that and it blew up in my face.” Ann was rambling and Anne had no idea how to stop her from hurting unreasonably. “I don’t want to see you ever again. Find someone else to toy with, I’m done.” Ann said resolutely though her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces.

“Ann- what- no! You don’t mean that.”

“Oh no, I actually mean that. I won’t let you hurt me more than you’ve already done.” With that she turned to walk towards her home but was stopped but a firm hand on her arm.

“Ann, no! Don’t do that. I care about you, with you it’s the happiest I’ve been in such a long time. Please.” Ann’s resolute posture almost cracked at the desperation she saw in Anne’s eyes. “Tib, she’s just jealous of you, she saw how much you mean to me and that’s why she said what she did. Please, don’t do this, don’t leave me. I love you.” Anne couldn’t believe she was all but begging, but she couldn’t care less at that moment.

“Anne…” Ann whispered after a long pause. _She loves me. No’ that’s just a trick._ Her inner voice reminded her. “That’s a real low blow. You don’t love me and I don’t know what game you and your friend are playing, but I don’t want any part in it.” Finally, she looked up at Anne with all the decisiveness she could muster. “I’m done. Goodbye, Anne.” Ann could almost hear the sound of her heart breaking but resolutely turned her back on Anne and walked briskly towards her home.

Ann Walker was a firm believer in love, a hopeless romantic as one might say, but right now as she was walking, almost running, to her apartment, she was heartbroken and thinking that love was just a stupid concept in movies and songs. Entering her place, Ann slouched down on her couch, with her face in her hands, but no tears came. None at all. _How the fuck could I be such an idiot as to believe a woman like Anne could be truly interested in me? Idiot, idiot, idiot. I was just a plaything to her. Nothing more. And here I am, in love with her, stupid Ann._

Ann stayed in this position for how long she couldn’t even fathom, until her back started hurting. _Plaything, right._ “Heartbroken” didn’t even begin to describe how she felt. Crushed, humiliated, devastated – maybe. Ann automatically did her nightly routine – brush her teeth, take off the makeup, take her meds, go to bed. _Without Anne._ Ann just laid there, no sleep in sight, feeling nothing really. That was like the depression hit all over again, but worse, because she couldn’t even think of something good at all.

Ann’s phone started buzzing. _Anne._ She didn’t pick up the phone. It buzzed again. And again. Messages from Anne begging her to talk to her. _Ignore it. It will do no good._ Buzzing. Buzzing. Buzzing. A voice message from Anne. Ann couldn’t bring herself to listen to it in fear she might change her mind. _She said she loves me. No, she doesn’t, that was just a trick. She doesn’t love me. She would have said it long before that, not that it would have changed anything._ Ann turned on her side, ignoring the phone’s constant buzzing. And that’s when the tears came. The kind where it was almost impossible to breathe, where you took gulps of air whenever possible and they didn’t help at all as you felt like drowning, only there was no one to save you, where you were just shaking soundlessly all over and couldn’t stop no matter how hard you tried, where the tears were simply flowing down and you simply had no strength to stop them. Ann tried, oh she tried to calm down, to stop crying, to stop herself from feeling like her world had just fallen apart, but she couldn’t. She was in love, in love with Anne, in love with someone who just broke her heart into a million pieces, someone who made her believe love was possible in this crazy world they were living in. _Idiot. You got your hopes up and look where it got you. To a broken heart. I knew, I knew from the very beginning that Anne was too good to be true, to be someone interested in me and yet I hoped, I hoped so hard that she was for real._ Ann kept tossing and turning until exhaustion took over and she fell asleep.

Waking up at 7 am was not something she was used to, but as the events from the night before came rushing in Ann’s sleepy condition was nowhere to be found at once. She sat up with a jolt, groaning and placing her head in her hands. _Anne. She loves me. No, she doesn’t. How could a woman like her love someone like me?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make it good and give us some hope :)

Anne Lister didn’t fall in love. That was something she swore she’d never do once again. Not after Vere. She kept her heart locked up under a hundred locks, away from everyone. That didn’t stop her from having relationships, without investing too much in them. Simply not to feel so lonely. That all worked just fine for her, until…Ann. Sweet, kind, beautiful and so tender Ann. Her Ann. With her doe eyes, cute freckles and soft touches, she smashed all the defenses she had built around her heart. And now she was gone. Gone from her life.

After Ann left, Anne had a fallout with Tib. She couldn’t believe her so-called friend would do something like that. After some pressure Tib confessed she saw how much Anne cared about Ann and she felt extremely jealous. Anne already knew that, she just needed confirmation that her friend was not really her friend, but someone who didn’t want to see her happy because of her own selfish reasons. She wanted to punch her, to scream at her, but she had dignity, so just just told her to leave and never come back, ignoring Tib’s apologies and begging.

She hid in her office and called Ann. Not that she expected her girlfriend to pick up, but a small part of her hoped. She hoped that Ann would forgive her, that she would understand that she meant the world to Anne, that she would invite her over and it would only be a small misunderstanding. Anne loved her, she was sure about that, and she felt like the biggest fool for not telling Ann those words earlier. Now those words really looked like a feeble attempt at keeping her which was not the case, but Ann didn’t know that. She called her over and over, but Ann wouldn’t pick up. _Stubborn girl._ After a few days of countless calls and messages Anne decided to go to her place after her shift. As she approached Ann’s place, she sighed in relief when she saw that the lights were on in Ann’s apartment. She started knocking on her door, once-twice-three times. Then she waited. She thought she heard faint footsteps on the other side of the door, though she wasn’t quite sure. She knocked again.

“Ann…I know you’re home. I saw the lights. Please open the door. Please.” Anne pressed her forehead against the door. “Ann, please listen to me. What Tib said, she said out of jealousy, she has feelings for me, and she saw how much I’m in love with you, hence the bitter words. Please, you have to believe me. The time we spent together…gosh, the best time I’ve had since my failed marriage proposal. Ann, I love you, I really do, and I think you feel the same. Please, give me a chance to prove that. Please.” Usually Anne would cringe at the nth time she used the word “please” but right now she couldn’t care less. “Ann…” She stared at the closed door for a few more minutes and left realizing Ann wouldn’t open up. She didn’t know, though, that Ann on the other side of the door slowly slid down to the floor, with her palm to her mouth muffling the sobs racking her body. Anne didn’t cry that evening, no, she had too much pride for that. But inside her heart kept breaking.

_2 weeks later…_

Anne didn’t give up though. She would fight for Ann until the girl saw how much she meant to her. She decided to meet Ann at her flower shop, but luck wasn’t on her side – the other florist said that it wasn’t Ann’s shift and she couldn’t give any information on when Ann would be in. Anne grew frustrated, but came in the next day, and the day after that, still no luck. Ann was either very good at hiding from her, or she wasn’t coming in for work at all. She decided to try one more time. There was a new florist – a pregnant woman. Anne’s sharp eyes immediately realized that was Ann’s sister Elizabeth, the two women looked very much alike.

“Hi, I’m looking for Ann.” Anne cut straight to the chase, attracting Liz’s attention. She looked the woman asking for her sister up and down and quickly connected the dots – handsome, tall, confident.

“Hi, you must be Anne Lister. I’m Ann’s sister.” She didn’t offer her hand for a handshake. Though trying to be amiable, Anne sensed that the woman didn’t like her already. _Understandable…_

“Yes, do you know where I can find Ann? I’ve been trying to reach her.”

“Well, she doesn’t want to see you, so…” Liz said coldly. “I can’t help you.”

“Look…I know you hate me already, but I swear I never meant to hurt her. I never once lied to her, I love her more than anything and she just doesn’t want to believe that. I can and I will make her happy, she…” Anne sighed. “means the world to me.”

Liz eyed her for a while, the woman in front of her seemed completely honest and just as miserable because of their break up as her sister was. She wasn’t sure she believed her entirely, but some soft spot inside her longed for a happy ending for her sister, so she decided to give it a chance.

“We’re having a picnic tomorrow at 2 pm. Central Park, near Pilgrim hill. Be there.” She said and turned to the flowers she was arranging.

“Thank you!” Anne left the shop and as she walked towards her bar, there was a little skip to her steps. She was hopeful.

Anne could barely sleep that night, she was nervous beyond imagination. She needed Ann to believe she was being truthful. The question was how to make Ann believe. She knew how guarded Ann was and now she doubted her, which wasn’t good at all. Trust was not given for granted and Ann’s trust in her was shattered. _Fucking Tib._ But she loved Ann, she truly did, she just needed Ann to know and believe that too.

Despite her nervousness, at 2 pm she was already in Central Park, waiting for the sisters. When she finally saw them, her heart swooned – oh God, how much she’d missed Ann. She watched them lay out a blanket to the ground and take out some food and drinks. That’s when Anne decided to make her move, though she still had no idea what to say to the woman she loved. As she approached them, Liz motioned for Ann to look up. When Ann saw her girlfriend, _ex-girlfriend_ , she reminded herself, she glared at her sister.

“Liz, what the?”

“Just hear her out, babygirl. Please.” Having said that, Liz stood up and walked to a distance to give the two some privacy.

“Ann, hi.” Anne walked up to her slowly. “I’m sorry we ambushed you like this, but I didn’t know how else to get you to listen to me.”

“Yeah, well, there’s a reason for that, don’t you think?” Ann stood up to face Anne with all the confidence she was capable of.

“No, there is no reason for that.” Anne stated as if it was obvious. “Ann, I miss you like hell. Please believe me.” Ann only scoffed. “Look, Tib and I used to date. It didn’t work out, we broke up and she took it badly. We tried to be friends, at least I thought we were friends, but she was still hoping we’d get back together. That’s why she…” Anne stressed the word “that’s”. “That’s why she said what she did to you, she just couldn’t bear to see me so smitten with you.” Anne tried to take Ann’s hands in hers, but the blonde wouldn’t let her, but she didn’t walk away either, so Anne hoped there was still a chance for them. “She was just jealous, and you were never, Ann, never a plaything to me. Ever. Ann, I haven’t even looked at anyone since we met, all I can think about is you.” Anne wanted Ann to look her in the eyes, to see she was being sincere, but the younger woman was stubbornly looking down. “What I said that night is true. I love you.” At that Ann’s head snapped up, a refutation on her tongue, but Ann didn’t give her the chance. “I love you, Ann. I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier, I was just...scared I guess.” Anne sighed. “I haven’t felt like this in a very long time and this, us, means the world to me. I love you and I will do anything to have you back.” The blonde only stared at her silently. “And I know you love me too.“ Ann blinked away the tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes but didn’t contradict and didn’t step back as Anne took a step closer. “I know you do, Ann. And I love you so much, you have to believe me. You’ve somehow made your way into my heart when no one else could, it just wants you. I want you in my life, I miss you, I would never hurt you, I…” Anne made a helpless gesture with her hands. “Tell me what to do to prove it. Anything.” A tear made its way down Anne’s cheek and she didn’t even care to wipe it away. “Ann…”

Ann watched the confident woman she knew almost fall apart in front of her and she couldn’t help but second-guess her decision. Anne was speaking with so much sincerity and emotion in her voice, there was no way she way lying. Still, Ann was scared, she was so scared of believing her and getting hurt and heartbroken again. But, on the other hand, she was already heartbroken without Anne. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for them after all.

“I need time. I need to think.” Was all she could say - It was all too much for her to decide on the spot.

“Of course. I’ll wait.” Anne acted on instinct and took Ann’s hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss. Ann’s heart skipped a bit at the gesture and she almost ran after the brunette as she started walking away, but stopped herself. She needed to think this all though.


	13. Chapter 13

_3 weeks later…_

Ann was pacing back and forth along the street nervously picking her nails. _Am I making a mistake? Will it blow up in my face? Maybe she’s forgotten about me already. Or she doesn’t want to see me anymore. Maybe I missed my chance. What if she’s with someone already? What made me think she’d wait for me? Well, she said that. But…urgh, stop this and just go in already!_

With a resolute nod to herself she entered “Lister’s”, automatically looking for Anne. She was not at the counter, only John was.

“Hi, Booth, I’m looking for Anne.” Ann said shyly. Booth eyed her up and down with animosity.

“She’s in the office, sulking. Better say something good to her, or just leave.” He muttered.

Ignoring the spiteful look he gave her, Ann rounded the bar and walked up the stairs to Anne’s office. The door was ajar. She slowly approached she entrance to look inside, fascinated. She’d missed Anne so much and now, as she saw her girlfriend, her heart couldn’t help but melt at the sight. Anne was sitting at her desk, scribbling something in one of her journals with so much determination, not caring about anything in the world, and Ann couldn’t help but think about how much she loved the woman in front of her. She knocked on the door frame gently.

“Booth, I really hoped you could watch the bar for at least an hour on your own.” Anne said without looking up.

“I’m sure he can.”

Upon hearing Ann’s voice Anne’s head snapped up. She looked at Ann with wide eyes, not entirely believing the blonde was in fact there.

“Ann…” She stood up from her desk and walked up to the blonde in question. Neither spoke for a few moments, simply staring at each other.

“Did you mean what you said? That you love me?” Ann asked barely above a whisper, suddenly very unsure and very scared.

“Yes. A million times yes.” Ann said without missing a beat. “I love you, Ann. These are the truest words I’ve ever said.”

Ann looked at her for a while, daring herself to truly believe the words she just heard for the nth time. She didn’t trust her voice to say what she meant, what she felt, so she simply threw her arms around Anne’s neck and drew her in for a kiss. Anne was so surprised it took her a few seconds to react, but when she did, she kissed Ann back with all the love and emotion she felt for the blonde, holding her tight in her arms. When they broke apart, Anne started peppering kisses all over Ann’s face, murmuring “Ann…my darling…my love.” over and over again.

Calming down a little, but not breaking the embrace the two lovers aligned their foreheads, breathing heavily.

“God, I’ve missed you.” Anne looked at Ann as if she could disappear any second.

“Have you?” Ann whispered with tears in her eyes.

“Do you know I don’t think one hour passed where I didn’t think of you? I tried not to, but every time I closed my eyes, there you were.” Now Anne was on the verge of tears and Ann closed her eyes and let the tears fall, thinking about her own stubbornness and distrustfulness. _How could I have ever doubted her?_

“Anne, I’m sorry.” Ann placed her hand on Anne’s cheek, wiping the tear. Anne leaned into the touch. “I should have believed you, I should have trusted you. Instead I let my insecurities get the better of me. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re here now. What does this mean for us?”

“I love you, Anne. I am in love with you. I always have been.” Anne blinked away the remaining tears and smiled widely.

“And I love you. More than I can ever express.” Ann nodded, hanging her head in shame and frustration at herself. Anne lifted her head by the chin and looked into Ann’s eyes seriously. “My love, I would have waited for you for so, so much longer.” Anne kissed the blonde tenderly. “I’m so happy you are back, I’m never letting you go again. And Ann, I promise I will never hurt you. Ever.”

“I know.” Ann nodded and pulled Anne in for another kiss, making the older woman’s toes curl. When they parted, an intrusive thought crossed Ann’s mind and she frowned.

“Ann, what is it?” Anne asked tensely.

“Um…why didn’t you ever take me to you place?”

There were very few things in life that could render Anne Lister speechless, and this question turned out to be one of them.

“Um…” She didn’t even know how to begin answering, so she went with the first thing that came to her mind. “Because I am a fucking idiot, that’s why.” Ann frowned, not entirely understanding. “You know what, let’s go, let’s go to my place.”

“What, right now?”

“Yeah, if you’re free.” Ann nodded and Anne took her hand, leading her to the exit. As they passed the bar, they missed the thumbs-up and the goofy smile Booth gave them.

The 20-minute walk to Anne’s apartment passed in silence, both women caught up in their thoughts. Anne’s hand never left Ann’s, though, until they were at the front door and Anne had to fish out the keys from her fanny pack.

“Well, here we are. Want a tour?” Anne let Ann in and closed the door. “Excuse the mess, I was not really down for cleaning since we…you know.” She thought back on the amount of time she spent on her couch, drowning her sorrow and heartbreak in scotch, barely finding the strength to throw out the trash and drag herself to work. Her apartment was a real mess.

Ann didn’t seem to care at all. She was looking around with so much curiosity, taking in all the details. She’d imagined the place to look somewhat like it did – almost everything made of wood, with beautiful art along the walls, books and journals all over the place. She stepped into the living room, Anne following close behind. She bent down to pick up the throw blanket from the floor, then noticed an open bottle of scotch, made a move to go to the kitchen to put it away, but was stopped by Ann.

“Don’t. I don’t mind.” Ann placed her hands on Anne’s face and drew her in for a tender kiss. “You should see my place, it looks even worse. I am just happy to be here. To be with you.”

Anne’s heart swooned. She’d missed her Ann so dearly, so doggedly, she could barely believe she was really here. For once, she didn’t trust her words and simply hugged Ann as tight as she could, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. When they parted, Anne led her girlfriend further into the apartment. The kitchen with a marble island in the middle, the guest bedroom, Anne’s bedroom and finally the study with the biggest library Ann has ever seen inside a Brooklyn apartment. She traced some covers with her fingers, eyeing everything with so much interest that Anne couldn’t help but smile widely. Finishing her examination of the room, Ann came up to Anne and took her hand.

“Thank you. For letting me in here.” She said honestly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t invite you over before. No hidden agenda, it just didn’t cross my mind. I should’ve known better, I should have known you’d doubt all this. I guess we were spending such a great time at your place that I never thought it was necessary to invite you to mine. I’m sorry.”

Ann smiled and leaned in to bury her head in the crook of Anne’s neck and the older woman immediately wrapped her in a warm embrace. Ann felt at peace, she felt happy, and finally, finally, no intrusive thoughts crossed her mind.

“I’ve missed you. Oh God, I’ve missed you so much.” Ann whispered against Anne’s neck and let a few stray tears roll down.

“I’ve missed you too, my love.” Anne ducked her head to look Ann in the eyes and kissed her fondly. “And you know what? I’m a terrible host! Do you want a drink? Do you want to stay for dinner? I’m not sure I have anything edible in the fridge, but we can order something in. What do you say?”

“Yes. To everything.”

As Anne made them drinks, another thought crossed her mind.

“Ann?” She asked as she handed the blonde her wine. “Would you also like to stay the night?”

Ann beamed at the question and threw her arms around Anne’s neck whispering against her lips “Absolutely.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus, I was going through a rough time with my girlfriend and I was just not in the right state of mind to write anything. But here it goes. I'm almost finished with the next chapter, I'll update soon :)

Ann and Anne’s relationship was blossoming. Even more so than it did before the breakup. It seemed like saying the three words made them see each other in a different light – open, honest, heart-on-your-sleeve light. Ann trusted Anne with her heart, there was no going back, not that she wanted a way out, but still. She was never a religious person, but now, falling asleep almost every night with Anne’s arms wrapped tightly around her, she couldn’t help but send a thank you to whoever was up there, listening. She felt like the luckiest woman on Earth.

Anne in turn pushed down all her defenses and let in on everything that seemed to interest the blonde about her. She was hellbent on never making Ann feel like she was keeping something from her, she’d learnt that lesson the hard way. Anne still thought back on what it was like when they were apart – a miserable place, and she never wanted to go back there. She made sure to remind Ann every day just how much she meant to her, surprising her with flowers and unexpected dates. The last thing she wanted was for them to become a boring couple.

They were now spending their time between two apartments, trusting each other with their personal space. One night at Anne’s place they were cuddled up in bed after hours of making love, trying to catch their breaths. It’s been almost three weeks since they got back together and they couldn’t get enough of one another. They felt the constant need to touch, to kiss, to make sure the other was really there.

“Ann?” Anne whispered turning on her side propping her head on one hand to look down on Ann.

“Mm-hm?” Ann nuzzled her collarbone and opened her eyes to look quizzically at her lover.

“I have something for you. Well, not a present per se, but something I’ve been thinking of recently.”

“Okay…I’m intrigued.”

“Come with me.” Anne got out of bed picking up her shirt from the floor to put it on. Ann reluctantly got up too, though her curiosity was eating her.

They didn’t have to go far – only to the walk-in closet. Ann was entirely too puzzled.

“Anne?”

“This…” Anne pointed to a vacant space for hanging clothes and two empty shelves. “Is for you. For your stuff, I mean.” Anne cleared her throat at her unusual nervousness. “What I mean is if you want, you can keep whatever you need here, instead of running back home when you need to change before work or...” She bit her lower lip, a nervous sign Ann had come to know and adore. “Anyway, what do you think?”

“I think…” Ann stepped closer to the older woman and placed her hands on her waist. “I think that I love you and that this is the best present anyone has ever given me.”

Anne breathed out a sigh of relief and smiled beamingly. “So…is this a yes?”

“Yes. Yes! Yes!” Ann drew her girlfriend closer and kissed her, stepping back to lead them back to bed. She knew exactly how to thank Anne for the gesture.

_A few weeks later…_

Anne and Ann were walking along the East River side, holding hands, Ann listening raptly to another on of Anne’s endless stories, when suddenly her phone rang. She picked it up without breaking their handholding.

“Jean, what a surprise!” Jean Ainsworth, her best friend from Colorado. “I’m good, great actually!” She looked at Anne with a smile and Anne winked at her. “How are you? How are the kids?” They kept talking and Anne half-listened to the conversation, she was happy to see Ann so delighted. And then it changed. “What?” Ann stopped abruptly and Anne knew something was wrong. “When? I don’t know, do I have to? You know we are not really friends.” Anne frowned at Ann’s obvious discomfort. “Oh, did he? Okay then, I guess. Love you too. Bye.”

“What’s wrong?” Anne asked as Ann put away her phone. Ann kept silent. “Darling? What is it?”

“Can we go home, please? I need a drink.”

Anne didn’t pressure and simply led her girlfriend back to her place. Once inside, Ann headed for the kitchen and poured two glasses of wine, drowning one almost at once. Pouring herself another one she sat on the couch, Anne joining her with her glass.

“Love, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Anne tried again. It bothered her immensely seeing her lover so distraught. Ann placed her head in her hands, not finding any strength to look at Anne, not knowing how to tell her the truth. She felt Anne scoot closer to her and wrap her in a tenderest embrace.

“I’ve told you about Jean, my best friend from Denver, who was by my side though the hardest times.” Ann finally said and Anne simply nodded. “She’s married, and her husband is coming to New York on business in a few days. He wants to meet with me.”

“Um, why?”

“Because Jean will send me something through him and he wants to see a friendly face here to hang out with.”

“That’s a bit weird but I don’t understand why are you so upset by this?”

“He is…” Ann didn’t know what to say. “He is not very nice, he’s not a good person. At all. I don’t like him.”

“Well, can you say no to her then? Explain it.”

“No, she’s very persistent and I just can’t…not after everything she’s done for me.” Ann let out a shuddering sigh. Anne frowned. She still couldn’t understand the state Ann was in, and the explanation was obviously flawed.

“Darling?” Anne ducked her head and Ann finally looked at her. What Anne saw there frightened her – there was so much hurt and hollowness. Ann tried to look away, but Anne didn’t let her, placing a hand under her chin. “I know there’s more to the story then you’re letting on. What happened? Talk to me, my love, please, so I can help you.”

Ann wanted to tell her, she wanted it so badly, but she was scared. She had never been so scared. She would surely lose Anne if she told her, she was sure of that. Not telling her the truth though, would put a rift in their relationship, and it was so amazing since they got back together. Ann was torn. She felt angry tears prickling her eyes and looked away from her lover. Shaking her head, she decided on keeping the truth to herself.

“Can you…just leave it, please?” Ann whispered without meeting Anne’s intense gaze.

“But…”

“Anne, please!” She stood up abruptly and walked to the window. Her heart was heavy, she hated pushing Anne away, but that was the only way. In a few days, it’ll all be over and done with and everything will go back to normal. Except, it won’t for her, but she’ll be fine. She felt Anne’s hands wrap around her middle and a kiss placed on the side of her head. Ann couldn’t help but lean into Anne’s warmth.

“Honey, whatever it is, I’m here.” Anne whispered. “Take your time. Tell me, or don’t, on your own terms. I love you and I just need you to know you are not alone. Do you hear me?”

Ann simply nodded. “Thank you.”

The rest of the evening was spent watching Netflix and finishing the bottle of wine, helping both of them get their minds off the uncomfortable incident. Anne’s sharp mind kept drifting to what could have happened, but she didn’t ask or pressure. She hoped Ann would open up in her own time and she just needed to be patient, even though she was sick with worry and curiosity. That night Ann clung to her for dear life and Anne was only happy to hold her and whisper sweet nothings until the blonde fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what has Mr Ainsworth done??

The next day Ann left for work early, kissing Anne and refusing to bring up Thomas Ainsworth. Anne was distracted the whole day, barely concentrating on her work. She wanted to do something for Ann, cheer her up somehow. She went to her office to look up what was happening around town. A few minutes in, she smirked. _That’s it, Ann will love this._

She drove to Ann’s place after work and called her. When Ann came down, she looked a bit more chipper than the day before.

“Where are we going?” Ann asked after kissing her girlfriend hello.

“That’s a surprise, you’ll love it.”

They drove to upper Manhattan, to what turned out to be a drive-in movie theater. And “Moulin Rouge” was just beginning. It was one of Ann’s favorite movies and she looked at Anne as if she just hung all the stars in the sky for her. Anne smiled right back, scooting closer to Ann and draping her arm around her shoulders. Ann immediately relaxed and focused on the movie. When it was over, Ann was crying, she always cried at sad endings. Anne didn’t say anything, even though she usually found crying over a movie very trivial, but with Ann she found it adorable and another proof of her girlfriend’s kind and compassionate nature. She loved that about her. Truth be told, she loved everything about Ann, so she told her, making Ann smile widely.

“Do you want to go grab something to eat or just go home?”

“I want to go home, if you don’t mind.” Ann’s mind immediately went to Mr.Ainsworth and she kept silent on their way back. Anne noticed, of course she did, but didn’t say anything.

Later that night Anne woke up to an empty bed. It was 4 am, and Ann was not in the room, like Anne expected her too. She got used to waking up to Ann sketching in her album. Anne got up and made her way to the study which was also empty and then to the living room. There Ann was – slouched in the armchair by the window, her arms hugging her drawn up legs. Anne’s heart broke when she noticed the blonde was crying silently. She walked up to her slowly so as not to startle her girlfriend, and kneeled in front of her. Only then Ann noticed her and looked away, hastily wiping the tears. Anne stopped her.

“My love, what is it? Talk to me, please.” Anne pleaded.

“You don’t understand, I just can’t.” Ann’s voice broke in the end.

“Why? Why not?”

“Because! Because you’ll hate me!” Ann cried out and stood up and walked away from a shocked Anne.

“Darling, nothing you can say will make me hate you. Nothing!” Anne followed Ann to the other side of the room and drew her into her arms. “Ann, I promise you, nothing will change the way I feel about you. Ever.”

Ann was crying into Anne’s shoulder while Anne held her tight, waiting patiently for her to calm down. She didn’t want to pressure but she couldn’t watch the love of her life fall apart and do nothing about it. When Ann’s tears subsided a bit, Anne sat her down on the couch and went to get her a glass of water, then took a seat beside her, waiting.

“I was…” Ann began, not daring to look at the brunette. It was now or never, she would lose her, but a small part of her hoped it would all be fine. “I was fifteen, staying over at Jean’s. She went out to the store, leaving me with…him.” Anne’s eyes widened as she started to understand where this was going. “He…” Ann could barely speak, but forced herself to continue. “He kissed me, he…I tried to push him away, but he was so much stronger and I couldn’t, I begged him to leave me alone, but he…and it wasn’t the only time it happened…” She buried her head in her hands and started crying. “You see, do you see why I couldn’t tell you?” She said between sobs. “I’m a disgrace, I couldn’t fend for myself and I shouldn’t have let him touch me and you must hate me now, I…”

“Shh.” Anne stopped the rambling and cupped Ann’s face. “Annie, you are not the one to blame! He’s a fucking piece of shit, he took advantage of you! You were a kid in his house, you should have been safe there and he…he is a scumbag!” Anne was fuming and she stood up to pace the room, forming fists with her hands. She could really use a punching bag right now.

“You’re being cross, Anne.” Ann muttered though tears. She’d never seen Anne like this. That stopped Anne in her tracks, and she realized she was scaring her girl.

“Oh, love, I’m not angry at you, I’m mad at him.” She sat back and wrapped Ann in a tightest embrace. “I want to rip his head off for what he did. But you, you, my darling, are so strong to go through something this and still be the wonderful, kind Ann I know and I’m so proud of you. Thank you for telling me.” Anne kissed her, taking Ann by surprise. “Did you ever report him?”

“No. He said it would reflect badly on me.” Anne saw red upon hearing this, but she calmed herself taking a few deep breaths.

“What a fucker. Does anyone know?”

“Liz does. I told her a few years back. And now you.” Ann still couldn’t believe Anne was still with her. “So…you don’t hate me?”

“Of course not!” Anne said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I could never hate you, and absolutely not over this.” Anne was so convincing and honest that had Ann finally let herself smile with relief. She’d underestimated Anne. She’d spent so much time hating and blaming herself that she couldn’t fathom someone could still love her after finding out her worst secret. “Ann, you are the love of my life.” Ann’s heart skipped a beat at that. She knew Anne loved her, but this was entirely too good to be true. “I’m not running away when this gets tough, or because there are things you’re ashamed or scared of. I’m here for you. Always.” Anne waited for Ann to nod in agreement and smile though tears. Anne kissed her again, wiping the rest of the doubtful thoughts away.

“You see, if I had someone like you back then it would have never happened. But…”

“I’m here now. And I’ll do anything for you.” Anne kissed her again, proving her point.

“He is still coming here…” Ann muttered when they broke apart.

“Let me deal with him.” Anne suggested. There was no way she’d let this dickhead come near Ann. Not if she could do something about it.

“What are you going to do?”

“Oh, I have some ideas.” Anne felt herself getting angry again, but she quickly composed herself, for Ann’s sake.

“Anne?”

“Don’t worry, nothing violent. I’ll just talk to him.” Ann was not fully convinced, but decided to let it go.

“I could really use a drink right now.” Anne nodded and soon came back with two glasses of wine for them, sitting down and embracing Ann tightly. She was not letting Ann out of her arms anytime soon, which Ann was only happy with.

“Hey, how about we take the day off tomorrow, well, today, sleep in, and then I’ll take you out?”

“Sounds perfect.”

Some time later as they cuddled under the covers of Ann’s bed, they both felt as if a load was taken off their minds and hearts.

“Anne, thank you. And I love you so, so much.” Ann whispered before kissing her girlfriend goodnight, felling Anne smile into the kiss.

“I love you more, my angel.”


End file.
